Life at age 14: initial findings from the Growing Up in Scotland study

3. Relationships with parents

This section includes findings from questions asked to both the young people and their parents about their relationship, as well as views on parenting and relationships with non-resident parents.

3.1 Parent-child relationship – young person

Young people were asked about their relationship with their parent^[6]. As shown in Figure 12, the majority said their parent 'always' listened to what they had to say, and that they can count on them to help them when they had a problem. Young people were less likely, however, to say that it was 'always' or 'often' true that they talked to their parent when they were having a problem.

The majority of young people also reported that if their parent would ask if they knew something was bothering them and that their parent 'paid attention to them'. A smaller proportion, but still two thirds (65.3%), said that it was 'always' or 'often' true that they shared their thoughts and feelings with their parent.

Parents were asked corresponding questions, with the results and comparison with the young people's answers included in the next section.

Base: All young people with a parent living in household who were happy to answer questions about their relationship with their parent 1 (2626-2627)

Boys were more likely to say it was 'always true' for a number of the statements shown;

• I can count on them to help me when I have a problem – 75.2%, compared with 66.8% of girls.
• I talk to them when I am having a problem – 48.8%, compared with 42.7% of girls.
• They pay attention to me – 72.7%, compared with 63.8% of girls.
• They listen to what I have to say – 71.6%, compared with 60.5% of girls.

Disabled young people were less likely to say it was 'always true' that their parent pays attention to them (62.9%, compared with 69% of non-disabled young people).

3.2 Parent-child relationship – parent/main carer

Parents were shown a list of statements (Figure 13) about their relationship with their child and asked how often they felt each was true; only very small proportions responded 'never true' for each statement. Parents were most likely to say it was 'always true' that 'if they know something is bothering their child they ask about it'.

Base: All parents/main carers (2749-2751)

Parents of girls were more likely to say it is 'always true' for a number of the statements shown;

• 60.2% said it was 'always true' that they can tell when my child is upset about something, compared with 53.3% for parents of boys.
• 36.5% said it was 'always true' that their child talks to them when they are having a problem, compared with 23.7% for parents of boys.
• 33.1% said it was 'always true' that their child shares their thoughts and feelings with them, compared with 19.8% for parents of boys.

Parents of a disabled young person were less likely than parents of a non-disabled young person to say it is 'always true' that if they know something is bothering their child, they ask about it (73.8%, compared with 80.0% of parents of non-disabled young people).

As shown in Figure 14, parents were less likely to say that each of the statements^[7] were 'always true', with the exception of asking their child if they know something is bothering them.

Base: All young people with a parent living in household who were happy to answer questions about their relationship with their parent 1 (2626-2627), All parents/main carers (2749-2751)

3.3 Confidence in parenting and closeness to child – parent/main carer

Parents were asked which option shown in Figure 15 was closest to how they felt about their parenting confidence and competence. The vast majority (93.9%) said they felt either 'very competent and confident' or 'moderately competent and confident'. Only a small minority said they felt 'incompetent or lacking in confidence'.

Parents were also asked how close they would say they were to their child. The vast majority (87.2%) said they felt either 'extremely' or 'very' close, whilst 12.7% felt either 'fairly' close or 'not very' close.

Base: All parents/main carers (2751)

Parents of a disabled young person were less likely to say that they felt 'very competent and confident' (39.7%, compared with 56.5% of parents of a non-disabled young person).

Parents of boys were less likely than those with girls to say they felt 'extremely close' (40.6% and 45.7% respectively).

Parents of a disabled young person were also more likely to say that they felt 'extremely close' to their child (48.8%, compared with 42% of parents of a non-disabled young person).

3.4 Parenting styles – parent/main carer

3.4.1 Autonomy and control

Parents were shown a list of statements about autonomy and control and asked to what extent they applied to their child (statements shown in Figure 16). Of the four statements relating to child autonomy shown in the top half of Figure 16, the vast majority of parents said these were either 'very' or 'somewhat' true, with only very small proportions (less than 1%) reporting 'not at all true'.

Around a third of parents reported that it was 'very' or 'somewhat' true that they always tell their child 'how to behave', 'what to do' and that they 'worry that they will become hurt or ill'. Over half (53.3%) said it was 'very' or 'somewhat' true that they are 'overprotective of their child'.

Base: All parents/main carers (2749)

Parents of boys were more likely to say it was 'very true' that they worry their child will become hurt or ill (11.3%, compared with 8% for parents of girls) and that they are overprotective of their child (14.9%, compared with 10.7% for parents of girls). Parents of boys were also more likely to say it was 'very/somewhat' true that they are always telling their child how to behave (42.5%, compared with 33.2% for parents of girls).

Conversely, parents of girls were more likely to say it was 'very true' that they help their child to become an independent person' (59.6%, compared with 52% for parents of boys) and that they encourage their child to do things by themselves (68.1%, compared with 61.5% for parents of boys).

Parents of a disabled young person were more likely than parents of a non-disabled young person to say it was 'very true' that;

• They worry their child will become hurt or ill (19.7%, compared with 7.8%).
• They are overprotective of their child (25.5%, compared with 10.5%) .
• They are always telling their child what to do and how to behave (6%, compared with 3.4%).

However, parents of a disabled young person were less likely to say it was 'very true' that they help their child to become an independent person (48.6%, compared with 57.3%).

There were differences observed across SIMD quintiles; 12.2% of parents in quintile 1 said it was 'very true' that they are always telling their child how to behave, compared with 5.9% of quintile 2, 4.0% of quintile 3, 5.5% of quintile 4 and 6.4% quintile 5. Similarly, 7.5% of parents in SIMD quintile 1 said it was 'very true' that they are always telling their child what to do and how to behave, compared 2.1% of quintile 3, 2.7% of quintile 4 and 2.7% of quintile 5.

Parents in quintiles 1 and 2 (20.5% and 17.7% respectively) were more likely to say it was 'very true' that they are overprotective, compared with those in less deprived quintiles (10.8% of quintile 3, 10.5% of quintile 4 and 6.1% of quintile 5).

3.4.2 Arguments and disagreements

Parents were also shown a set of statements (Figure 17) about arguments with their child and asked how often they applied to their relationship. The vast majority (79.7%) felt it was 'not at all true' that 'when they argue with their child they stay angry for a long time'. Other types of disagreements appeared to be more common, including 41.6% who said that their child 'storming out of the room after a disagreement' happened 'always', 'fairly often' or 'sometimes'.

Base: All parents/main carers (2749)

Parents of boys were more likely to say 'not at all' for the following statements;

• My child and I get on each other's nerves (31.8%, compared with 23.1% for parents of girls).
• My child and I shout at each other (42.3%, compared with 36.3% for parents of girls).
• When my child and I disagree they storm out of the room (34.4%, compared with 26.7% for parents of girls).

Parents of a disabled young person were less likely than parents of a non-disabled young person to say 'not at all' to the following statements:

• When my child and I argue we stay angry for a long time (71.9%, compared with 81.3%).
• My child and I get on each other's nerves (23.4%, compared with 28.4%).
• When my child and I disagree, they storm out of the room (23%, compared with 32.1%).

3.5 Non-resident parents – young person

Just over one quarter (27.3%) of young people had at least one parent who lived elsewhere and they were asked questions about their relationship with this parent, 2.8% of young people chose not to answer whether they had at least one parent living elsewhere.

Disabled young people were more likely to say they have at least one parent who lived elsewhere compared (35.2%, compared with 25.9% of non-disabled young people).

As shown in Figure 18, over half (57.5%) said they saw this parent once a week or more, whilst 15.1% said they never saw this parent. Young people were also asked how often they had contact with the parent living elsewhere by telephone, text or email, or via apps like FaceTime or WhatsApp. As also shown in Figure 18, young people said they had more frequent contact with their parents in these ways than they saw them in person. Just over two thirds (67.5%) said they had face to face contact at least once a week or more with the parent.

Base: All young people with at least one parent who lived elsewhere and who were happy to answer questions about him/her/them (559)

Half (50.8%) of young people reported they would like to see their non-resident parent as often as they do now, whilst around two in five (38.3%) said they would like to see the parent more often, and the remainder (10.9%) would like to see the parent less often.