New dementia strategy for Scotland: Everyone's Story

Dedication

I am still me – a poem by a father and a son (carer)

It’s my wish and desire for my son to share our experience. I see with my own eyes that he has my best interest at heart, a kind heart, I tell him; the father becomes the son, the son becomes the father.

All you need is love… I still like this song. I need love and compassion from my family, friends, carers and neighbours; our memories are what makes us, they bind us together, even when they begin to fade… especially when they begin to fade…

My confusion and forgetfulness is something I’m unable to control; my son takes the time to see and understand this and that’s why his care for me is tender, precious and loving. This is new to us, we didn’t expect this, we weren’t ready; that’s why I need you to hear my voice, through his voice – our voice, we are one voice.

Some days I will forget what day it is, many days, most days… but not every day; it happened again… yesterday… or was it today… I’m sorry I’m unable to say… have I had my breakfast or medicine yet? The kind nurse who visits me at home every morning will know. A stranger became a friend; facial expression making language less of a barrier.

Time is a healer, is what they say. So why can’t I draw a clock face or the two hands to show the time? I don’t know why… despite the clock being my trusty lifelong friend, from India to Scotland… 86 years.

I am Indian; I am Scottish. I am a husband, a brother, a father, a grandfather. Some relations seem so distant now. Another life? I recall the streets of my youth; I do not know my address. But I am still me.

Light from the moon comforts me; I am a child again. The stars are magical. My son reads to me, stories, songs and poems; I used to sing once upon a time, and he helps me with ‘reliving’ lyrics. We walk. We talk. We comfort and console each other. My mind is weak; our bond is strong. My mind is weak… yes, my mind is weak… weak; but I know, he knows what I see, what I hear, what I feel… what I need. He will be happy to tell you, if you may be so kind as to ask. Please, do ask.

Love, love, love… all you need is love… love, love… love is all you need… love is all you need… love is all you need…

My voice may have quietened, my thoughts may have slowed; but I am happy to hear my voice and thoughts about what matters to me, to us, spoken and shared with you by my son; when need be, he is me, I am him.

Even though my thoughts are not always clear to me, my loved ones or to others, I thank God for a lifetime of happy memories… I know in my heart of hearts; they are there somewhere. Let it be… let it be…

Arvind Salwan

A poem by Arvind Salwan who is a member of the National Dementia Lived Experience panel, dedicated to his late father Sudershan Kumar Salwan (1936-2023)