Staying together and connected: getting it right for sisters and brothers: national practice guidance

4. Why brothers' and/or sisters' relationships and 'sibling-like' relationships matter

4.1 What we know about brothers' and/or sisters' relationships

Relationships between brothers and/or sisters are lifelong and are an important contribution to shared identity.^[11] These relationships can evoke strong and sometimes complex feelings, which will change during their everyday lives and as children develop. The way in which sisters' and/or brothers' relationships form and evolve over time is a unique experience for each child. Children with care experience are more likely to experience complex trauma resulting from abuse or neglect than their non-care experienced peers^[12] and these experiences can shape and influence relationships with brothers and sisters in many ways. Though not always straightforward, supporting sibling relationships can give brothers and sisters with care experience some emotional and physical safety, continuity and familiarity. Research shows that staying together, with access to support, enhances feelings of wellbeing for sisters and brothers with care experience.^[13]

4.2 Development and attachment

Warmth and affection, cooperation and conflict between brothers and/or sisters changes during their day to day lives and as children develop. Relationships change and evolve over time. A relationship which feels difficult or challenging at one point or circumstance in a child's life, can change, restore and flourish over time with the right support and encouragement.

From infancy, children are dependent on adults to help them regulate their emotions and develop a sense of self. Infants are unable to do this by themselves. Other children in their lives, such as sisters and/or brothers, can be both a source of comfort and a source of wariness. Before they are two years old, children begin to learn to share their parent or carers and copy other children; understand the consequences of some acts as well as develop their language and communication skills.^[14]

As children grow, these skills continue to develop. Playing and learning together supports understanding of moral and social rules, and sibling affection can support social behaviour and high self-esteem.^[15] Some conflict between brothers and/or sisters is also important for developing social skills, and can teach children how to negotiate disagreement, reconcile arguments, share, and regulate emotion.^[16]

4.3 Sisters and brothers' relationships and care experience

If it is not safe for children to stay at home, moving to a new home can feel scary. This will often be amplified if a child has experienced abuse or neglect in their lives. We know that long term attachments are a vital component for a child's development.^[17]

Brothers and/or sisters staying together and supporting their continuing relationships whether they live together or apart are important protective factors which can help mitigate some of the complex feelings children might have when moving to a new home. Staying together is linked to improved wellbeing and mental health for these brothers and/or sisters;^{[18] [19]} can offer reassurance and support amidst uncertainty; gives children a sense of familiarity and continuity when many other things around them are new; provides an important connection to their past and sense of identity;^[20] and for some children, it can also begin to repair the" trauma, guilt and grief" that they feel before and when they move out of their homes.^[21]

Ensuring that brothers and/or sisters with care experience stay together, along with any support they need for their relationships, is both a right and a protective factor against the impact of trauma, uncertainty and disruption they have experienced, and is therefore vital to safeguarding the wellbeing of children with care experience.

The Independent Care Review found "near universal agreement on the importance of maintaining relationships between brothers and sisters", and that "brothers and sisters were placed together whenever possible unless it was not safe or right for them".^[22] The times when it is not safe for brothers and/or sisters to stay together were exceptional and rare.^[23]